I am so incredibly happy right now, I know that’s hard to fathom considering that all I have posted here has been mad, sad, and lonely. But tonight I am brilliant.
I actually felt myself develop some sort of head cold in the past half hour, it started with slight sinus pressure and has grown into a full earache and low breathing capabilities. Fml
Hyper realistic paintings of Lee Guk Hyun
South Korean born painter, Lee Guk Hyun creates these dreamy photo realistic veiled women with his oil paintings.
They are like band-aids that I can never fully pull off. I try to go slow, bit by bit, flip by flip, click by click but that just hurts. I wait. I am no longer homesick, it is safe to look and then I over load. I go the tear it all off fast route. The issue is, this band-aid is never ending, I tear and tear but get no where. How can one miss a person, a place and a special time all at once. Clearly I need to be back in New England, which I will be by the end of May. Yay! Now I just need a job.
I have this urge to hug the world. I want to tell everyone I’ve ever been in contact with how much I love and miss them. It’s a warm feeling welling under my ribs, warm and yellow. It’s a bubble, pretty but empty. I also, conversely, feel guilty. I feel this weight of love my family gives. My mother tells me how I brighten their day when I call. I just can’t call. I feel too awkward and unsure. I feel undeserving. I finally understood why my Mormor moved to Sweden. It was to isolate herself, force contact only when she felt like it. It’s an appealing thought. How do you call people after not talking for over a year and say “Hey, how are you?” Do you lie to them? It’s too confusing, I just want to hide. I don’t even want presents this year. I don’t want to call and say thank you, I wish they could forget that I exist just until I’m in my own again.
